The answer is NO if:
A. The Baby Daddy Factor
1. How many married women (who firmly believe in monogamy) just hang out with other guys? Unless the guy is gay, NONE. Husbands don’t want their wives cavorting about town with other men. A monogamous woman doesn’t want people to assume she is cheating on her husband; unless, of course, her suitor is international sensation, Antonio Sabato, Jr.
B. Science
1. Humans aren’t monogamous by nature. That’s why we have a high divorce rate, STD’s and Regis Philbin.
2. The divide-and-conquer mentality applies to men and women alike. Women love to accuse men of passing out wiener like Tide samples, but they love sex just as much. Your body craves certain pleasures. If you like to stick expired D batteries up your ass while your foreskin is tucked into your hip pocket, hey man, it’s gonna do what it do, baby.
3. Genitals cannot co-exist in open space without a “meet-and-greet”. Think about it. Next time you give your pal a friendly hug, your genitals are shaking hands. Like a gentleman, I hope you washed your hands before shaking other’s.
C. Feelings
1. Over time, people develop feelings for one another. Because we are not equipped to deal with these feelings, the pharmaceutical industry provides us with a variety of sedatives. When mixed with alcohol, these pills open a wonderful world…where Head of the Class is still on the air and the French don’t smell like sourdough.
2. It’s too safe! We love the chase. Like the old saying goes, “The journey is more fulfilling than the destination.” It’s all foreplay. When you get what you want, you tend not to want it anymore. Which is fine, I guess. But, if you throw away one more goddamn, half-chewed bacon cheeseburger, I’ll kick your fucking ass you wasteful son of a bitch. Just eat the whole fucking thing. Oh…and dumpster babies are bad too. Stop doing that.
A man and a woman CAN be friends if (and this is a short list):
- all parties are hideously deformed and devoid of the physical capacity for sexual intercourse.
- all parties are mature and go home at night to pour scalding water on their groins to prevent sexy ideas.
- at least one party smells like shit.
