Viagra may decrease ability to smell
Call for global tuna standards
These headlines were listed one after another on Yahoo a few minutes ago. Since they’re closely related, here are a few tips.
I recommend NOT marinating your diaphragms in malt vinegar and pirate’s milk prior to sexual intercourse. It’s also not polite to pop your herpes peanut during or after coitus. Simply cover it with a Nicorette® patch and wear your Kool Ultra Lights tank top to let your lover know that you’re trying to quit but you’re having a hard time and that the patch is in NO WAY concealing a herpes peanut. After three solid hours of sodomy, treat your lover to some of those Maine lobsters you purchased with your food stamps. It’ll show your contempt for God AND government assistance. Better yet, mouth rape a quadriplegic deaf mute behind a mini fridge in the break room at Mardels Christian Bookstore while listening to Cradle of Filth and throwing Kraft Pudding at a rough sketch of Vishu drawn by your buddy Floyd on an IHOP napkin during a four day acid bender in Paterson, New Jersey.
If you’re gonna blaspheme, you might as well do it right.
