So, my special lady (which I say with all the fervor of a stank, dance-fighting greaser with a 4th grade sensibility but the know-how to build a chopper - with my alcoholic father who smells like Tom Waits’ voice sounds - that will take me as far as Flagstaff, where I subsequently find myself, get hooked on Vanilla Coke Zero, and John Holmes enough soot pussy to make my cock look like somebody glued dice to a wheat tortilla) is in Europe for another month, and I made a little playlist for her on my myspace.

Call me mushy, but it’s important to let the people you love know it every single day you’re above ground. And, if you’re one of those stoic, hardass, “you don’t know how he is when he’s with me” type of guys, you could learn a few things about being a good goddamn boyfriend. Lesson one: If you own a visor, you’re a faggot. Lesson two: Stop wearing Under Armour® on dates. Lesson three: If you do just enough to keep the girl around, I hope she goes to the club and finds a ripped Dominican - whose cocoa lariat works her so hard, she gets rope burn. Suddenly, your stupid Abercrombie belts and faux messy AFI hair aren’t as endearing as the purple lava lamp that literally fucked her shit upside down so that her clit is on her asshole, effectively making her a lifetime member of The League of Shadows.

That being said…
These songs are for you, Jojo. I love you. ; )

1. Rose of My Heart - Johnny Cash
2. Girl of the North Country - Bob Dylan
3. Gypsy Queen - Van Morrison
4. In Your Time - Bob Seger
5. If I Were a Carpenter - Bobby Darin