As you may well know, a Jedi Master has comprehensive knowledge of The Force – which allows him to perform incredible feats via telepathy and telekinesis. For example, a Jedi can use his mind to choke an enemy (Force Choke) or move large objects from his path (Force Throw).
Boo-dai (pronounced BOO-DYE) are a secret society of Jedi Masters that possess only one force power, Force Fuck. There are only six in the known galaxy and they pretty much just run around and Force Fuck Padawans all day until their morale drops so low that they choose to hang dry wall for Ewoks instead of training to be a Jedi Knight.
One Padawan, Peabo Bryson (yes, that Peabo Bryson), actually survived a Boo-dai assault with only mild to moderate anal pus and described Force Fuck as…
“A piercing blue light. Louder than nine Dennis DeYoungs, four banshees, and eleven Civil War cannons fired simultaneously at a propane tank warehouse full of M-80’s. The sound of your asshole being turned inside out can be likened to punching yogurt, kicking pudding, or building momentum on a swing set for 10 minutes, jumping off, and landing in a bowl of goulash. The smell? Three words. Burnt circus meat.”
Boo-dai are informed on their 10th birthday that they are in fact Boo-dai, not Jedi (and that they are also adopted – which is unnecessary salt in the wounds at that point but tradition nonetheless). Although Boo-Dai are rare, being labeled as such is considered a burden and a curse. They cannot control their thirst for Force Fucking, and they’re constantly juggling their morality with the fact that they rape virtuous young men for sport. In a rare interview for InStyle magazine, one Boo-Dai compared it to “cheating on your SATs” to get into Yale. “It’s pretty boss that you actually got in. But how you got in is cause for concern.”
Of the six Boo-Dai in the known galaxy, only two can perform a variation of Force Fuck known as “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”, and they can only perform it on one another. It somehow involves a laser light show, The Cross of Coronado, and George Stephanopoulos shredding documents in a taxi. Of the “Terrible Two”, the one they call “The Elder” has mastered a variant of “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” called “The Reverse Gandalf”. In other words, he dresses up like a wizard, wears tan Isotoners, and plays Bilbo’s dick like an oboe at the one truck stop in Gondor while Aragorn films it in high def so you can see the lines on The One Ring as Bilbo is bracing himself with Peter Gabriel’s hair before he busts into The Shroud of Turin.
You guys are fucking nerds.
