Once you’ve made a few bucks or achieved cult status in Hollywood, you’re allowed to attach your name to the crustiest, home-whittled ball sling of a motion picture to sell extra tickets. Wes Craven Presents Dracula 2000, John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars, Carl’s Jr. Presents The Bacon Six Dollar Emergency Room, etc. It’s about time these icons stepped up and used their names to promote healthy living.
May I suggest a global awareness campaign and some catchy slogans to champion some good causes?
1. Pope Benedict XVI Brand Condoms. Slogan: There’s no mistaking The Hat.
2. Tom Cruise Your Way to Healthy Hair Shampoo. Slogan: Xenu. Dandruff. They both look bad on black turtlenecks.
3. Paul Newman’s South Beach Popcorn Lemonade Steak Sauce. Slogan: May contain sexy and tractor parts.
4. Vagina Monologue Brand Tampons. Slogan: A runny thing happened on the way to the forum…
5. Christian Slater’s Free Breast Exam Clinic. Slogan: I love what I do. I do what I love. I love anal.
6. Saddam Hussein’s Platinum Edition Boxer Briefs for Underprivileged School Children. Slogan: Go ahead. Pelt my crotch with ice. I feel NOTHING.
7. Jason Kidd’s Reconciliation Center. Slogan: Marriage is about crossing the “T’s” and dotting the eyes – especially when she talks while I’m eating.
